comicallyvintage:

Are you a nice girl?

Duh… I always pull a Julia Roberts- no kissing on the mouth…

I just don’t know why I haven’t found my prince to save me so I can save him right back.

You’re Not My Friend… And Please Stop Making Me Look Like The Bitch Here

Dear Jack Ass,

You’re an asshole… and for some reason no one who is important to me seems to realize you are an asshole- so for some reason you’re still in my life.

Here are a few set rules for how to act when you see me-

Don’t greet me with a “babe” or “baby”- you do that with your female friends and I am not your friend.

Don’t accept when I offer to get you anything- say no thank you like you would to a stranger.

Don’t make comments on anything I’m mentioned on in facebook that has nothing to do with you.

And most of all don’t make jokes about how you think I’m a lesbian. You know I’m not a lesbian. When you say things like that it’s more of a hurting my feelings thing because it makes me feel like I did things wrong or I was bad… And calling me a lesbian does not make us friends.

If you want to be friends or cordial or you want me to act like we’re good- which I’m pretty sure we never could be- BE A FUCKING MAN and APOLOGIZE for being an ASS!

Thank you,

Me

There Must Be Something About Summer

I’ve decided that the beginning of summer must be when guys try to hit on the most girls. I think all they’re thinking is “I’ve gotta catch me a woman”. Whether it’s because they smell all the pheromones in the air or the fact that they just want to find someone with an air conditioner (I’m seriously thinking of adding this too my dating profile- looking for a man with central air). I came to this conclusion because I’ve hit my peak of guys trying to hit me up online with messages in the last twenty four hours.

I even got two from on guy- I guess for safe measure (really because he obviously was on a messaging spree and forgot he’d already messaged me).

Here are some of the winning lines from these guys I’m never going to message back:

“How Are you? You like red heads.”- honestly I would’ve messaged this guy back because I thought it was a pretty hilarious attempt at picking me up but I clicked on his profile and saw that he was a Hasidic Jew- there’s nothing wrong with that but being as I’m not jewish- and I don’t plan on converting I thought we had some fundamental issues.

“I’m a swordfighter who pays the bills in retail as well”- kind of cute line… but he says the same thing in his profile multiple times- to the extent that i actually believe he probably is a LARPER.

“i suck at this shit and dont have any luck on these site”-well you’re not gonna have luck here.

“hey cuties from around the block”- this guy was definitely not from around my block- pretty sure he hangs out on Christopher street. ;)

In the last 24 hours I received flowers and a navy hat from a sailor without having to put out… I did have to bite my tongue and fake laugh a lot though.
Yay fleet week’s over!

Texted to me

“Hey, uhh, just text if you guys are gonna hook up. I wanna sleep.”

I didn’t realize that I made myself seem so whorey that this was an appropriate text to send me… And I’m disappointed that I wasn’t actually offended by it.

Also no response was sent- mostly bc I didn’t hook up…

Grrrr… you cannot text me saying that you’re looking forward to seeing me… or basically saying that… how am I not supposed to read into “looking forward to Saturday” which is the only day of the week you are going to see me?

It’s not that easy… Atleast not with the guys I want…

(via etiquetteforalady)

(Source: icanread)

Right Name, Wrong Guy

A guy with the right name but who wasn’t the right guy called me gorgeous and beautiful tonight… while the right guy with the right name said nothing of the sort.

fuck me